Self-Esteem, Systems, or Structures of Power? How to Tell What’s Stuck at Your Camp
🧭 The Three S’s Check-In: A Summer Camp Leadership Coaching Template
If you’re like most heart-centred camp leaders, you’re juggling people problems, broken systems, and a deep desire to do meaningful work. And in the middle of it all, you’re asked to lead.
To give credit where it's due, this is a synthesis of the way that Beth and I both think about camp leadership. Beth said to me that the world would be a better place if we just fixed everyone's self-esteem. And I've come to understand what a deeply wise statement that is. And I'm the one who thinks in systems.
Here’s a tool that helps cut through the noise.
✳️ What Are the Three S’s?
Most persistent problems in organizations trace back to one or both of these:
Self-Esteem — Someone doesn’t feel safe, seen, or capable.
Systems — Something’s missing in the structure: unclear roles, broken feedback loops, or inconsistent processes.
Structures of Power – A hidden dynamic is keeping the problem in place.
The Three S’s Check-In is a quick, repeatable framework to get unstuck, without overthinking or blaming. Use it in 1:1 coaching, team retros, or self-reflection.
🪜 Step 0: Get Oriented
Before you dive in, ask:
Where is this showing up?
→ Person | Team | Org-wide | Outside forcesHow much influence do I have?
→ Full | Some | Low
Why it helps:
Sometimes, what looks like a “people problem” is really a bigger system issue.
🔍 Step 1: Surface the Challenge
Start by naming the tension.
Ask:
“What’s a persistent issue that’s draining time or energy?”
“Where do things feel stuck, foggy, or frustrating?”
Keep the description tight. Two sentences max.
✏️ Example: “My senior staff aren’t taking ownership. I keep stepping in.”
🔎 Step 2: Diagnose with the Three S’s
Look at the issue through each S:
Ask This:
🧠 Self-Esteem
“Is someone feeling unsure, unseen, or unsafe?”
Watch for: Silence, hesitation, over-compliance
🏗 Systems
“Is something unclear, inconsistent, or missing in the setup?”
Watch for: Rework, mixed signals, dropped balls
⚖ Power
“Is someone benefiting from how things are?”
Watch for: Avoidance, double standards, silence from leaders
🔄 All?
“Could it be a mix of both?”
Encourage leaders to pause and reflect. This is often where clarity hits.
👀 Watch for statements like: “They should just know!” → That’s a systems issue.
💬 “I don’t think they believe they can do it.” → That’s self-esteem.
📇 “This keeps happening and no one names it.” → That’s a power/structure issue
🛠 Step 3: Make Small Shifts
Once you’ve named the root issue, ask:
“What’s one thing I could do to build self-esteem?”
“What’s one way to improve the system?”
“What’s one safe way to question the power dynamic?”
Small shifts with big impact:
Write clearer roles. (Systems)
Praise before correcting. (Self-Esteem)
Ask, “Why do we do it this way — and who benefits?” (Power)
Define success together. (Blended)
🗣 Step 4: Communicate It Well
Lead change without blame.
Try:
“I think the system’s letting us down — let’s try something new.”
“You’ve got this. What would help you feel more confident?”
“I wonder if some of our habits need updating.”
This invites change without finger-pointing.
🔁 Step 5: Follow Up and Reflect
Next time, ask:
“Did anything shift?”
“Did that small change help?”
“What’s still unclear?”
If things improved, keep going.
If not, revisit the 3S’s — problems evolve, and so should your approach.
🧾 Common Patterns (Quick Guide)
If you hear… “They keep asking for clarity.” Check for… Systems Focus on… Clear roles, written steps
If you hear… “They shut down in meetings.” Check for… Self-Esteem or Structural Power Focus on… Trust and safety. Acknowledge ingrained organizational or societal structures such as white supremacy, hetero-normative behaviour, etc
If you hear… “They won’t speak up to the boss.” Check for… Structural Power Focus on… Hidden hierarchy or fear
If you hear… “We redo things over and over.” Check for… Systems Focus on… Ownership and handoff clarity
If you hear… “People seem defensive.” Check for… Self-Esteem or Structural Power Focus on… Build trust, name the unspoken
If you hear… “No one talks about the obvious.” Check for… Structural Power Focus on… Make space for truth-telling
🧠 What Hurts Self-Esteem?
Micromanagement
Vague expectations
No recognition
Constant chaos or failure
Power imbalance
🏗 What Breaks Systems?
Unclear roles or steps
Over-reliance on “heroes”
Avoiding tough conversations
⚖ Where Power Hides
Top-down decisions
Gatekeeping info or access
“This is how we’ve always done it” (*classic camp!)
Worship of “untouchable” leaders
Quiet punishment for speaking up
These stick around because they benefit someone, and often go unspoken.
🧭 Final Thought
You don’t need to fix everything at once.
Just start with a small, kind shift.
When people feel safe and capable, when systems are clear, and when truth can flow freely, your team thrives.
****a note about AI use: I'm using it all of the time for about 95% of my communications and consulting work. AI helps me solve for my learning/writing disorder AND helps me respond to contribute more to making the job of camp director a little bit easier.
